After my last post which was way too long and depressing I thought I would write something a bit more cheery and shorter so those of you who nodded off last time might hope to get to the end. This one is all about friends.
When the hubby and I moved out West two years ago we didn't have many friends. Well, we did (we're not social pariahs or anything) they just weren't round the corner. Except my best mate in the whole world who lives in Bristol, who has saved my sanity more times than I care to imagine and is currently kitting out my child in an array of beautifully crocheted goods.
We could have made more of an effort to meet people, but we were quite happy in our honeymoon state with just each other and spent a lot of time visiting other friends and having people to stay. That was fine for a while but it was wearing us out. Then we decided to have a baby= social life over!
I will say it now before I get too self indulgent but the friends you make when having a baby are the people that get you through it. Forget all the midwives, doctors, professionals and your mum. The people that hold your hand and make it all seem not so horrific are the other mums that are doing it at the same time as you.
Now, it is very easy to become completely obsessed with your baby and the bubble you then live within- including those new friends. Every conversation, every thought, every purchase, every glance into the middle distance is taken over by baby. Sometimes you are fortunate enough to be invited out to see non-baby people and HAVE NOTHING TO SAY. This is not a good state of being to get into. Good job most of my only other friends are teachers and I can talk just as obsessively about that. But it is fine because one day those non-baby people might have a baby and then they will understand and you can sit in silence with each other slowly rocking. Because it is not just the conversation about each others' babies that saves you, or the silent rocking, it's mostly the company of other people who have had as little sleep as you (even if they are pretending to make you feel better).
Thursday is my favourite day of the week. Specifically at 2pm. I meet up with my friends from my NCT antenatal class for coffee and cake and we chat about our week, our babies, our partners with varying degrees of lucidity (see lack of sleep comment above) and then go home feeling refreshed. It is like therapy. We take turns to lean on each other. Sometimes I am the one proferring my 'honest' advice, more often than not I am asking for it.
Lately I've been struggling. Mostly because of lack of sleep but I think underlying that is a notion that I just can't shake. The notion of this not being all it's cracked up to be and I don't know what I'm doing. I think the lack of sleep is actually making me go insane. Even the simplest task is more difficult when sleep deprived. Things that used to just be slightly irksome now make me apoplectic with rage. There are more and more periods of silence between me and my husband as we are too tired to even talk.
Last week this extreme tiredness and feelings of doing it all wrong were compounded by our beautiful baby boy deciding that he needed even less sleep than before and would cry and scream most evenings. When he gets like this, only mummy will do which makes me irrationally hate my husband for not being a mummy too! Not his fault but it is wearing rather thin. Grow some boobs! Anyway, with my ever increasing eye bags and glazed expression I took my woes to our last coffee meet up last week and an amazing thing happened. Now, I am not one for asking for help. I have major issues with failure and not showing signs of weakness but that is for another blog. But with this level of tiredness I decided to forego my pride- to preserve any shred of sanity I had left. Once again, my new mummy friends proved they can rally quicker than any army - a force to be reckoned with. I found solace in other people's sleep woes, advice, a plan about what to do next. They even took my baby for a couple of hours on Monday so I could have some sleep. I will be more than happy to return the favour and I hope they get as much back from me when it is my turn again to offer support.
I think the NCT should rebrand their ante-natal class stuff as- buy some new friends that will take your baby for a couple of hours when you are so tired that you cannot see properly.
For me, that has been the real benefit of joining an ante-natal class. Forget all the stuff about childbirth! Baby's got to come out somehow and there is not a lot you can do about the manner in which this occurs, as we have all come to realise. NCT you can stick your debates about dummies and useless breastfeeding counsellors but thank you thank you thank you for my lovely new friends.
Now, it is very easy to become completely obsessed with your baby and the bubble you then live within- including those new friends. Every conversation, every thought, every purchase, every glance into the middle distance is taken over by baby. Sometimes you are fortunate enough to be invited out to see non-baby people and HAVE NOTHING TO SAY. This is not a good state of being to get into. Good job most of my only other friends are teachers and I can talk just as obsessively about that. But it is fine because one day those non-baby people might have a baby and then they will understand and you can sit in silence with each other slowly rocking. Because it is not just the conversation about each others' babies that saves you, or the silent rocking, it's mostly the company of other people who have had as little sleep as you (even if they are pretending to make you feel better).
Thursday is my favourite day of the week. Specifically at 2pm. I meet up with my friends from my NCT antenatal class for coffee and cake and we chat about our week, our babies, our partners with varying degrees of lucidity (see lack of sleep comment above) and then go home feeling refreshed. It is like therapy. We take turns to lean on each other. Sometimes I am the one proferring my 'honest' advice, more often than not I am asking for it.
Lately I've been struggling. Mostly because of lack of sleep but I think underlying that is a notion that I just can't shake. The notion of this not being all it's cracked up to be and I don't know what I'm doing. I think the lack of sleep is actually making me go insane. Even the simplest task is more difficult when sleep deprived. Things that used to just be slightly irksome now make me apoplectic with rage. There are more and more periods of silence between me and my husband as we are too tired to even talk.
Last week this extreme tiredness and feelings of doing it all wrong were compounded by our beautiful baby boy deciding that he needed even less sleep than before and would cry and scream most evenings. When he gets like this, only mummy will do which makes me irrationally hate my husband for not being a mummy too! Not his fault but it is wearing rather thin. Grow some boobs! Anyway, with my ever increasing eye bags and glazed expression I took my woes to our last coffee meet up last week and an amazing thing happened. Now, I am not one for asking for help. I have major issues with failure and not showing signs of weakness but that is for another blog. But with this level of tiredness I decided to forego my pride- to preserve any shred of sanity I had left. Once again, my new mummy friends proved they can rally quicker than any army - a force to be reckoned with. I found solace in other people's sleep woes, advice, a plan about what to do next. They even took my baby for a couple of hours on Monday so I could have some sleep. I will be more than happy to return the favour and I hope they get as much back from me when it is my turn again to offer support.
I think the NCT should rebrand their ante-natal class stuff as- buy some new friends that will take your baby for a couple of hours when you are so tired that you cannot see properly.
For me, that has been the real benefit of joining an ante-natal class. Forget all the stuff about childbirth! Baby's got to come out somehow and there is not a lot you can do about the manner in which this occurs, as we have all come to realise. NCT you can stick your debates about dummies and useless breastfeeding counsellors but thank you thank you thank you for my lovely new friends.
